Thursday, November 24, 2011

Black Peter

I don't know who came up with him first. Who saw him first, or maybe who made him up, but sometimes I just feel the need to remind kids who say, "There's no such thing..." that Santa Claus does exist. And why wouldn't he? They say if you believe in God, then you have to believe there's a devil. Well, since I've seen the opposite of Santa Claus, it's only logical to think that the story about the Jolly old elf with a sack full of toys has some basis in truth.

Fact is, I was probably one of the few teenagers who still believed in Santa Claus. I made it a habit of scaring little kids in the family by reminding them that Santa Claus was watching (like some Seasonal Big Brother) and that I knew how to reach him to let him know who was naughty and who was just plain annoying.

I even had an idea, however ridiculous it was, that Santa Claus didn't keep an actual tangible, paper list. No. The list was just some cosmic alert system. If you believed, Santa left you something. If you didn't believe, you didn't get anything. The end.

And why did I believe all this? If you've never heard of Black Peter, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: The Grinch is not entirely fictional. Somewhere, somehow there's a darker, creepier and perhaps sinister version of the Smiling, red-cheeked old man on a Coca-Cola can.

In tradition, Santa Claus (Or Sinterklaas) is loosely based on Saint Nicholas, a 4th century Bishop who was known for his generosity. In Iceland, Santa Claus is in fact no different from the God Odin. The fact that Father Christmas is associated with a God is probably what should raise a few eyebrows among Ancient Alien Theorists.

Odin road around on a sky chariot being propelled by a magical creature similar to a reindeer. The creature was eight-legged, and originally (before Rudolph was invented), Santa Claus had eight reindeer. But Odin only left gifts for the children who fed his eight-legged beast.

Now, Black Peter, although never associated with evil, was (according to the Dutch) a helper of Sinterklaas. Not much else is known about Black Peter and maybe what I know as Black Peter isn't really him at all, but everything has an opposite, and if Santa Claus has one... I've seen him.

I was twelve and honestly, to this day I don't exactly remember why I decided to sleep on the couch. But I was the sort of kid that always wanted to prove something truth or false. I vaguely remember a pact with my sister to see if Santa Claus was real, but it's vague and I can't be certain. What I do remember is falling asleep on the couch, in front of the Christmas Tree.

It took me a while to finally knock out because the pulsing lights danced behind my eyelids. When I did fall asleep I was abruptly awakened by the fact that I was in complete darkness. The lights were no longer flashing in my eyelids. I had the unnerving feeling that something was standing over me, blocking out the lights.

Growing up in a haunted house, you learn a few things. First, never open your eyes when you KNOW something is standing over you and, Second, never ever assume it's just your mom. I had run in's with that kind of stupidity. Thinking the lady in white standing by my window was my mom, or the vague outline of a dark mass standing at the foot of the bed was my mom. Not this time. I was hyper-aware that whatever was standing over me was radiating a malevolence that my mother did not possess.

I remember talking myself into breathing calmly. Into making the thing, whatever it was, believe that I was still asleep. I had succeeded because eventually the darkness was replaced with the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. But whatever it was, it wasn't gone. Yet.

Plink! Plink! Christmas ornaments were dropping to the floor. Had it not been for the Skirt around the tree, they would have made enough noise to rouse my mother. Instead they fell with dull thuds, surviving the impact only to be crushed moments later by something making its way around the tree.

I listened to the crushing and crackling of smashed ornaments and the rustling of the tree before realizing that the dark foreboding I had felt moments ago was gone. It was safe to open my eyes. Or so I thought. When I did, I tried the 'slit-method'. A method practiced by millions of kids across the globe. It is the act of opening your eyes just enough to see but not enough to be seen.

At first I saw nothing. It wasn't until I opened my eyes wider and focused that I realized the tree was misshapen. It was bent over from the top and behind it stood a being so tall it had to crook it's head slightly to fit under the ceiling. It was as black as coal, and furry, not like an animal, but just like The Grinch. A humanoid with tufts of hair, in a dirty red suit. The kind of thing a drunken and battered Santa Claus working at a local food mart would wear.

Worst of all, it had red eyes. Not glowing red. Not evil red. But more like a crimson, or fiery red that burned as it looked at me. And what I got from the creature wasn't a feeling of absolute evil as much as a feeling that this thing was OUT-OF-PLACE. It did not belong here and it knew it. It shouldn't have been there and the fact that it was meant something else was wrong.

Even more odd was the sense that it was more afraid of me. But at the same time, it scared the hell out of me. Tall, dark beings in tattered old Santa suits do not hover over you on Christmas morning. I wish I could tell you more but the last thing I remember is blacking out.

The next morning the memory of Black Peter was vague and I didn't mention the encounter at all. We ate breakfast and we played Christmas music as we opened our gifts and I had all but forgotten about that 'weird dream' from the night before until my mother made her way to the back of the tree in search of more gifts.

"Who broke all of these ornaments and hid them behind the tree?" She said. Earlier that morning she mentioned the fact that the tree looked sparse, as if some ornaments were missing. Let's just say, I have yet to see proof of Old Saint Nick, but I have seen proof that however ridiculous a story may be to you as you come into adult hood and shun your child hood beliefs, just remember one thing: Every story begins somewhere.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Peruvian alien is making the rounds

It has a non-human appearance because the head is triangular and big, almost the same size as the body. At first we believed it to be a child's body until Spanish and Russian doctors came and confirmed that, yes, it's an extraterrestrial being.

NAW! Really?

Monday, November 07, 2011

Of Giant heads and NO PROOF

Philip Coppens has an interesting article on the Mysterious Guatemalan stone head. My only question is how come no one has taken a picture of it recently. Just because it's been partially destroyed that doesn't mean it isn't still standing.

You can soak it all in here.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Let it be know, from hence forth... and yadda yadda...

...that if Micah (I've got a crush on you) Hanks can call himself a Keelian Researcher, then I hereby call myself: Tina Sena, Colemanian Researcher and... um... stuff.

And now, you may return to your regularly scheduled broadcast.

Why Nicholas Cage is not a vampire...

                                                                 (Count Bull-Crapula)

A few months ago a picture straight from EBAY began to circulate the world wide web. It was an 1864 image of  a confederate prisoner that bore a striking resemblance to the actor Nicholas Cage. Theories on top of lame ass theories came to light. One more popular idea was that Cage was a time travelling Vampire. Well, for those of you who need an answer, I have it.

Nicholas Cage is not a vampire. Why? Well because we've overlooked the obvious: Vamps can't be captured in photographs. The end.

Please people, use your imagination for more important things like John Travolta, the time travelling ALIEN.

Giant heads

Every so often Mayan culture becomes a topic of discussion. It has nothing to do with the worlds sudden fixation on Archaeology. People are just dumb enough to want to fulfill a man-made prophecy of impending gloom and doom. It's been pounded into modern, popular perception that the Maya predicted the end of the world: December 21, 2012.

Never mind the incredible pyramids or the fascination with human sacrifice... it's all about a calendar that ends on a certain day. And so, it comes as a relief when people finally start to relate the Maya to other shit entirely... like this giant head of unknown origin...

Producer Raul Julia-Levy (and son of the late actor Raul Julia) is making a documentary that states, unequivocally that the Maya associated with extraterrestrials. You can read on here.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Loren Coleman @ BOA

What's better than listening to Tim Binnall? Listening to Tim Binnall interview Loren Coleman. I shouldn't have to elaborate. Just go and listen.

Full Preview: We kick things off by finding out about Loren's International Cryptozoology Museum, which moved to a larger location on 11 Avon Street in Portland, Maine on October 30th. Loren details the origins and evolution of the museum, which began in his home in 2003 and, ultimately, became an international sensation when it opened its doors to the public in 2009. Loren discusses the massive media coverage that the museum has received as well as the reaction from skeptics and pop culture anthropologists. This leads to some discussion on how the museum serves as a unique research opportunity as it affords Loren the chance to see a wide array of visitors with varying degrees of cryptozological interests and beliefs. We also reflect on how the museum serves as a clearinghouse of crypto materials so that researchers' collections can be preserved and not discarded or destroyed.
Diving into pure cryptozoology talk, we begin with Bigfoot and reflect on both the resurgence in interest in the creature and also have Loren share his thoughts on where we stand in the quest to prove its existence. Loren talks about the paradox of high interest in Bigfoot contrasted with low funding for real expeditions as well as potential "secret projects" being undertaken to help solidify the case for the creature. Loren then shares a bold prediction on how Bigfoot may ultimately being proven to be real and explains how he came to that conclusion. Along those lines, he details an expedition along those lines which proved fruitless due to mistakes made by the researcher.
The conversation then leads to discussi

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

And there you have it, folks...

The answer to everything. No really.

A Magnetic Anomaly Map of the world can tell you about all the places where Unicorns are buried and UFO's land to get a cappuccino. However, that's not what mainstream science is saying. They have a really smart explanation that has to do with anomalies originating in rock. Yup. Because Science is cool. Or, maybe because no one is every gonna admit that giant machines are turning at the center of the earth where evil, hungry reptilians are madly tapping at their Ipad 5000's, trying to figure out a way to get tasty humans to visit hollow earth.

You can read more here.

Tonight PBS is gonna teach you Morons some SCIENCE

The Fabric of the Cosmos, hosted by Brian Greene airs tonight at 9pm on PBS. It's a four-parter, playing every wednesday night so you really have to ask yourself, "Do I watch a famous Physicist teach me something about the Universe... or, do I watch Ancient Aliens and feel once again compelled to punch something every time the narrator says, 'Ancient Alien Theorists'...?" Hmmm... so many tough decisions.


Of Hobbits and Moons

In the newly released ART OF THE HOBBIT, J.R.R. Tolkien's original artwork for the HOBBIT is on display and bears and uncanny resemblance to the Lunar Landscape and the odd/anomalous/artificial looking moonbases/buildings that have been making the rounds on the web for years.

Talk about things that make ya go, 'Holy crap!'... you can see more images here.